your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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