she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
