our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
