so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This is classic penis vs brain.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
