I just made out with a guy for $7.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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