Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
