I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
