Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
