Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
