dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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