There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
