Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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