He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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