Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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