All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize