When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
