The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
