I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
