it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
