Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
How does one acquire holy water?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
