We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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