when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize