I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
her facebook's as public as her vagina
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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