I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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