Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There r osticjed everywhere
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
