he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
