Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
