The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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