Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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