Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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