Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
