My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
