It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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