The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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