i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
A+ Viking dick
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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