Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Houston, we have a squirter
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
