if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
