Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
