That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
