I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i think my cat just said my name.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
