I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
