Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
