Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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