You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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