i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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