Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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