I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
