Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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