idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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