You can't motorboat a personality
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
