Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
