why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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