the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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