So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
