I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
