I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize