I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
