You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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