um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
