Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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