i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
