now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
