I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
