Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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