What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
