She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
