My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
